Penguins
by harpandsword
Summary: I was challenged to write a fic in which Shepard and her ME1 love interest did not reconnect while inebriated in a bar. The challenge also included the following stipulations: It had to take place in Vancouver, a grocery store, and involve penguins.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, I broke a promise again. More fluff. But this one is not my fault. You see, someone was complaining on the BioWare forums that all the Shenko reunion fics took place in a bar. So it became a challenge fic to write one somewhere else. (Well, not to write the story somewhere other than a bar, but to have it set somewhere other than a bar. I doubt many people write in a bar anyways. Too hazardous. All those drinks sloshing around, fights, general creepies...) So there I was about write this story set someplace other than a bar, but then, the forums decided to play Who's Line is it Anyway? Suddenly, I had to write a story involving Penguins, Vancouver, and a grocery store as well. (Interesting parameters, heh?) This is that train wreck of a story. **

**Oh yeah, BioWare owns all this stuff...well, not Vancouver. I'm pretty sure Canada owns that.  
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Shepard's head hit the cool glass of the transport shuttle's window with a dull thud. Ignoring the pain, she gave a quiet snort of disgust. There were plenty of reasons to be disgusted, many possible objects of derision. Consider the paramilitary Travel Security Agents who walked about the airport terminals with an air of self importance, clad in sweater vests too small for their oversized bellies. The very idea that these obese buffoons could actually, in anyway, assist during an emergency situation could be an excellent target for endless sarcasm and mockery. It had taken the entire three hour flight, and the only possible scenario Shepard had come up with in which one of these rent-a-cop rejects could actually be of assistance was if a passenger went into hypoglycemic shock. She was absolutely certain at least one of them would have a candy bar readily available. A small smile crept across Shepard's face accompanied by an equally small laugh as she recalled the time she'd inadvertently packed a combat knife in her carry-on luggage. She hadn't realized the mistake until long after her flight when she finally got around unpacking. She had been haphazardly pulling items from her carry-on in search of a tooth brush when the blade had tumbled out of the overstuffed knapsack and fell at her feet. She hadn't even _meant_ to sneak a weapon past security and had somehow managed to do so. The incident did not inspire confidence.

The very meeting she was traveling to was enough to put her in a foul mood. For years, she had pleaded with the Council species to prepare for the coming Reaper invasion, for their own sakes. Now, they were finally taking action, but it had literally taken Shepard's death, resurrection, and stomping into their chambers with fresh collector goo on her boots to get their attention. For a tense and desperate moment after presenting her latest evidence to the Council, Shepard was sure they were going to sweep the Reaper invasion under the rug yet again lest they invite political unrest. Apparently, their tenuous hold on power was more important to them than all sentient life in the known galaxy. Politicians. Shepard didn't trust them. Somehow, she just didn't think a person who had spent their entire life in the pursuit of power was even capable of being trustworthy. But in the end, the council had seen reason. In the end, she had been called to this Alliance operational planning meeting to discuss possible courses of action for the coming invasion.

And still, despite having her sanity assaulted by all manners of ridiculousness spanning the spectrum of absurdity, the thing that was bothering Shepard the most...was Shepard.

Despite her best efforts, she could not concentrate on the task at hand. She couldn't even bring herself to formulate an answer to the flight attendant's question.

_Flight attendant? Where did she come from? How long had she been standing there?_

"Ma'am? I said, 'would you like anything to drink?'"

"No," Shepard finally mustered enough willpower to rouse herself from cogitation and articulate a monosyllabic answer.

The attendant moved on as Shepard dropped her face into her palms.

_Great. Glad she wasn't an assassin or anything._

And there it was, the reason she was disgusted with herself. She couldn't focus, couldn't pay attention to the details. She was a completely undisciplined mess and that is what bothered her. Actually, no. That wasn't it at all. Her emotional state was to be expected. Any reasonably intelligent and emotional being would expect her to be somewhat traumatized by now, let alone on edge. In the past few years of her life, she had prevented all the known universe from being destroyed, twice. She had lost a number of close friends. And oh yeah, she died. So, no, it wasn't her agitated state that distressed her so. No, it was the petty, inane source of her distress that truly bothered her.

For all her efforts to leave the past behind her, she could not get his voice out of her head, nor the memory of one of their first conversations together. It was just a couple of sentences.

_"My father wasn't in the war. He'd retired to Vancouver. My family had an inland home that matured to new beach front property."_

_Vancouver__...This is Kaidan's home._

The thought slipped through Shepard's defenses and into her conscious mind, unbidden. That particular factoid had been flitting about in her subconscious ever since she learned the location of the meeting. She sighed and stared out the window of the shuttle as it descended into Vancouver Interplanetary.

_Why, over all other places on earth, would Anderson hold this summit in Vancouver? One would think we'd gather at one of earth's major cities? Why couldn't we meet in New York, Tokyo, or New Delhi or any other city on the face of the planet?_

Here she was, about to engage in battle planning that could determine the fate of all known sentient life, and all she could think about was that she happened to be in the hometown of a former boyfriend.

_Was he even that?_

It wasn't as if Shepard was really afraid of running into her former lover during this trip. The odds of Kaidan Alenko visiting his hometown at this exact juncture were slim. Last she'd seen him, he was neck deep in work for the Council. Even if he did choose this particular morning to take some leave and visit his family, the odds of her happening into him in a city with a population approaching 1.2 million were virtually non-existent.

No, it wasn't the minute chance of running into Commander Alenko that was bothering her. It was the fact that _being in_ Vancouver_ was_ bothering her that was in and of itself, bothering her. The great savior of the galaxy, winner of the Star of Terra, a Commander of Alliance Marines, SPECTRE to the council, etc, etc...who had traveled through the Omega 4 relay into the heart of the galaxy to face certain death without a second thought, was afraid to step off the shuttle into Vancouver because it made her impossible to maintain all the mental blocks she had established to protect herself from the truth, that Kaidan has moved on. How she envied EDI.

She felt ridiculous, like a teenager experiencing angst at her first unrequited love. This was unsatisfactory. This was beneath her. This was...all so very human.

_His visage fills her memory again. They're alone in her quarters. Blue light dances on his face. His nervous, but determined. 'Shepard, you make me feel...human.'_

Great...now she wouldn't be able to think about her own damn species without him invading her thoughts. Wherever Kaidan Alenko was, she hated him.

* * *

"I'm sorry ma'am, but check-in time is not until 1400."

"Can you at least check to see if the room has been vacated early?"

"Ma'am, it is clearly posted that..."

"Yeah, yeah. I get it. 1400."

Shepard briefly considered pulling the hotel concierge over the counter and sliding her off the edge like in an old western vid, but thought better of it. She had always made it a personal policy to never piss off the people who deliver your food.

Shepard slung the backpack that had served as her carry-on over her shoulder and headed out into the city to kill some time. Time, for its part, was particularly nervous.

She wasn't really sure what to do with herself. She hated the city, not just Vancouver. All cities. There were too many places for snipers to hide. Too many crowds for bombers to hide amongst. Too many different angles of fire to consider; street level, sky scrapers, subterranean... Though she desperately wished she could forget tactics and enjoy the ambiance of the bustling metropolis, the mindset was too ingrained. Those lessons had been permanently seared into her brain by injury or by death.

So here she was, alone in one of her least favorite environments, constantly being reminded of the most treasured thing The Collectors had taken from her. It was bad enough that they had abducted, tortured, and killed entire human colonies. That they had destroyed her ship and stolen her life. But did they really have to take the only semblance of a normal relationship she'd ever had?

She desperately wanted off the street, but wasn't sure where to go. So she wandered until something finally caught her attention. She read the words to herself in her head.

_Greater Vancouver Zoo and Aquarium..._

Shepard peered at the windows and nautical themed signs. The cool blue interior was inviting. A quick survey of her surroundings showed her that the line for the attraction was uncharacteristically small. Curious, she approached the ticket kiosk.

"Slow day?" She gestured towards the entrance.

The man in the booth smiled, "School day."

Understanding dawned on her face as she let out a knowing, "Ah..."

"Would you like the military discount?"

Shepard gave the elderly man a quizzical eyebrow. "How do you know I'm with the Alliance?"

"Wear civvies and let your hair down if you like, but I can still tell you're Alliance. Something about the way you all carry yourselves," he said ringing up the ticket, seemingly assured that the commander would be visiting the aquarium today.

The former SPECTRE graciously accepted and electronic wrist bracelet and walked towards the aquarium door. Next the entrance, two otters floated peacefully on their backs while balancing their lunch on their chest. Shepard smiled despite her mood as she waved her ticket over the door sensor and entered the building.

The aquarium was cool and dark. Murals of seascapes adorned every surface that wasn't tank glass. Everything was colored by shifting light in blue hues that, to Shepard, made the place very reminiscent of the Citadel.

There were few patrons, an elderly couple, a group of school children on a field trip, but for the most part, the aquarium was empty. It appeared she had found the perfect place to escape the city until her hotel room became available. With a little luck, and a lot of cute creatures, she just might be able to forget the fact that she was in Vancouver.

Shepard strode through the displays, stopping to read some of the more interesting plaques and to stare at the most captivating exhibits. Sometime later she found herself licking at a dolphin shaped ice cream dessert and leaning over the railing to the penguin exhibit. The squat and awkward animals waddled about the faux rocks making joyful sounds. A few slid down the slick rocks on their tummies and into the water where, the uncoordinated animals transformed into sleek swimming machines, darting gracefully through the water, like tiny starships gliding through the emptiness of space.

She bit down on her popsicle stick finding she'd relived it of all the ice cream. Instead of leaving the exhibit to search out a trash can, she chose to chew absentmindedly on the wood as she continued to watch the creatures. One of the birds slipped and tumbled into a gathering near the water, sending a few tumbling into the frigid water with an indignant squawk. A short bark of laughter escaped Shepard's mouth.

"Feeding time is in a few minutes. Would you like to buy some fish for the penguins?" A young woman in a wet suit had walked up behind her pushing a cart filled with cardboard trays of fish and a transaction register.

Without giving it much thought, Shepard deftly tapped her access number into the pad proffered by the zoo attendant. A small series of beeps signaled the transfer of funds and the attendant handed Shepard a cardboard cartoon filled with slimy fish. All of a sudden, Shepard felt ridiculous. She, in all actuality, was paying the aquarium worker for the honor of doing her job. It felt all too reminiscent of a Mark Twain novel she'd once read.

Despite her her reservations, Shepard smiled to herself as she tossed the first fish into the exhibit. Immediately the animals began to waddle towards the bringer of fish.

"There aren't a lot of people today. Would you like to go into the exhibit?"

Shepard grinned like an idiot before she could stop herself and she knew it was too late to decline. The aquarium employee passed a bracelet similar to Shepard's over a sensor next to the exhibit entrance, granting her access. The SPECTRE, trying not to seem overly excited at the prospect of feeding cute, feathery animals, carefully and slowly entered the penguin's domain as to avoid slipping into the water. It didn't matter. There was no maintaining dignity or composure as the enthusiastic, overly-dressed birds swarmed her.

The prospect of food drove the creatures to action. A few dove off rocks at the back of the exhibit in order to utilize the greater speed moving in water afforded them. They shrieked their delight in the fish and wandered as close to Shepard as the crowd of chubby little bodies surrounding her would allow. It wasn't long before she was completely surrounded by the funny little birds, appreciatively squawking their approval of her offerings. Overall, it was a cathartic experience. He brain was too occupied with happy sounds and squishy wet bodies to even remember why she was here, let alone where she was.

Once the carton was exhausted, so was the penguins interest in the SPECTRE. Shepard stuck around to watch the goofy avians frolic about their habitat for an indeterminate amount of time before she moved on. Finally, she turned and followed the paved path down the ways until she found herself drawn by the sound of seals baying. Their plaintive barks compelled her through double glass doors and into the outdoor exhibits.

There she found another aquarium employee selling yet more cartons of fish next to the railing preventing visitors from falling into the lowered pit that served as the seal habitat. Below, hungry seals barked and clapped their hands, demanding the fish be thrown.

_Well, _she thought. _I already fed the penguins. Just to be fair…_

Shepard found herself purchasing another carton of fish. It wasn't as if the splurging was even beginning to put a dent in the two years of back pay she'd built up. She picked up the first fish by the tail and tossed it nonchalantly towards the begging seals. The fish soared in a slow looping arc and began its descent into the awaiting mouth of the hungry seal. It never landed.

A greedy seagull swooped in at the last minute and stolen what was rightfully the seal's. Shepard put her hands on her hips and scolded the bird.

"Hey! That wasn't for you! Sorry, little guy," she apologized to the seal that was doing a decent job of anthropomorphizing himself. His cries became more desperate and his eyes projected deep despair at the loss of the fish. Shepard decided to try a different tactic. She threw the fish directly at the hungry seal. The line drive throw hit the seal in the face and the fish tumbled to the fake rocks below. While the seal shook his head to clear his senses, the dastardly seagull dove in and stole the fish.

"Oh this is getting ridiculous!" Shepard was going to feed that seal if she had to climb down into the environment and place it in the animal's mouth.

She grabbed two fish. One, she threw directly at the offending seagull. The other, she tossed to the seal. At first, it seemed as though her plan was going to fail, as there was more than one flying thief about, but just as a second bird was about to snatch up the fish, a blue aura surrounded it. The bird bounced off the dark energy and flew off to its perch. It squawked its indignation and ruffled its feathers.

The fish itself floated lazily down to the to the habitat, the expectant seal following his prospective meal intently. Finally. the mysterious blue aura released the fish into the awaiting mouth of the appreciative seal, who, happy and grateful to finally receive his meal, barked his gratitude and clapped his fins. The entire movement of the fish had been delicate, controlled, and precise. Just like…

"Uncle Kaidan! It's against city ordinances to use biotics in a public place," an imperious girl with dark pigtails and deep brown eyes admonished the man next to her.

Shepard turned around slowly. Sure enough, there stood Commander Kaidan Alenko.

_ Didn't she spend most of the past week convincing herself of the improbability of this scenario? _

Staring at Shepard's rather adept impersonation of an enemy in stasis, Kaidan wondered why he had just done that. Shepard had been so embroiled in her battle with the seagulls that he could have simply walked past, unnoticed. But he had wanted her to notice him. He had forced this confrontation._ Why?_ This was sure to be an awkward, possibly even violent conversation.

As the silence filled the room, Shepard quickly ran down a short yet colorful list of ways to commit harakiri in an aquarium.

Finally, Kaidan broke the silence.

"Taking up a new career?" He queried suspiciously.

"Was planning on it. However, it appears I've already failed my first test. Couldn't even manage to feed the animals," she replied evenly.

"Well, in the interests of advancing your future as a marine biologist…" Kaidan subtly lifted his hands and motioned towards the fish in Shepard's hands. The fish began to glow ever so slightly as they rose from the carton and floated towards seals. Then, in one smooth motion, each fish dropped into a gaping mouth. The happy barks and clapping made Shepard smile and forget the awkwardness of the moment. She turned to face her former officer

"Well see, now you owe me four credits," she pointed out.

"How so?"

"Because I paid four credits so that _I_ could feed the animals."

"You weren't doing a very good job. You were overfeeding the seagulls and underfeeding the seals."

Shepard merely glared.

"Uncle Kaidan! Our group is going on to the next exhibit!" The little girl tugged on Kaidan's sleeve insistently. Both adults looked to her.

"Huh? Oh. Shepard. This is Alyssa, my niece. Alyssa, this is Commander Shepard."

"_The _Commander Shepard?" Barely contained excitement was more than evident on the child's face.

"Well, I'm sure there has to be someone else named Commander Shepard in the entire Alliance," Kaidan postulated.

"True," Shepard mused. "I used to get his email a lot by accident."

"Really?"

"Yeah, his name was next to mine in the Alliance Address Look-Up. More annoying for him than me really. John comes before my name alphabetically and most people only ever type in the last name..."

"Uncle Kaidan, are you really going to squander a chance to talk to_ THE COMMANDER SHEPARD _by discussing _EMAIL_?"

Kaidan laughed. _"The" Commander Shepard. _She got her own article apparently. He wasn't going to hero worship Shepard. She wasn't the savior of the universe to him, she was...

_What was she?_

They had never figured that out. The had once had an easy friendship. They had shared great loss and tragedy. They had shared great victory. They had been much more than they were now. Horizon had been a disaster, but they'd been emailing back and forth since then and their correspondence had been amicable enough. Kaidan didn't know what fates had aligned nor what hell they must have gone through getting him and Shepard back in close proximity but he wasn't about to lose this opportunity. He'd lost her once to The Collectors and once to his ignorant pride.

_Not this time._

"What are your plans today?"

"Actually I'm stuck out here until the hotel check-in time."

Kaidan said silent prayers of thanks but blurted aloud, "You could spend the day with us."

Shepard considered it. "I don't think the teachers would appreciate the general unruliness my presence tends to engender in children."

"I won't tell anyone who your are! I promise," Alyssa's eyes implored the implied interrogative.

Kaidan contemplated their predicament for a moment.

"Tell you what, Alyssa. If you can go convince the teachers you're sick enough I have to take you home, maybe Shepard will come spend the day at your parent's apartment."

"Really?" The girl looked at Shepard for confirmation. The former SPECTRE nodded her head in acquiescence.

In her excitement, the girl turned to her uncle and proclaimed, "Give me enough credits for a chocolate milkshake and fries and I'll give a performance that will make the teachers _insist_ I go home."

"Done." Kaidan transferred the credits. "Nothing that makes them call an ambulance."

Alyssa rolled her eyes. "I'm not stupid." Currency in hand the precocious pre-teen ran off to the concession stand. Kaidan moved to stand next to Shepard.

"She's quite the handful," she commented.

"Hmm...brother's kid. Both parents on business trips. Mom was supposed to be watching her but then I was informed, 'that if I wasn't going to give her grandchildren the least I could is help take care of the one she has.'"

"Really?"

"Yeah, somehow the whole saving the Citadel, protecting Earth's colonies, shindig doesn't compare with procreating."

Shepard nodded. "You are quite the failure."

"I know," Kaidan feigned resignation.

"See, now I'm glad you never got that chance to take me home to your parents," Shepard blurted before she could catch herself. Both adults were spared having to fill the awkward silence that would have followed that statement by the sounds of fake retching and the ensuing screams. Alyssa was slowly stumbling towards them clutching her side for good show. Milkshake and chewed french fry bits dripped down her face. Kaidan had no doubt that from the teacher's perspective she appeared deathly ill. However, from where he was standing, he could see her impish grin. He turned to see it mirrored in Shepard's own lopsided smile.

"Ya know," she said. "I think I'm going to like this kid."

* * *

"There's no food at the apartment right now," Kaidan said as he navigated city traffic. "We could order a pizza."

Alyssa made gagging sounds.

"Why kind of kid doesn't like pizza?" Shepard queried.

"The kind of kid who has eaten pizza every night for the past week."

Shepard looked sidelong at Kaidan.

"What? Culinary Arts 101 wasn't offered at Brain Camp," Kaidan defended himself, then added "Don't suppose you can cook?"

"Contrary to popular belief, there is no correlation between the ability to cook and the number of X chromosomes one possess."

"Seriously?" Alyssa asked incredulously. "You two can hack computers, modify advanced weaponry, defeat Krogans in hand-to hand combat, make life and death decisions on the fly and between the two of you, you can't manage a single home cooked meal?"

"Ouch," Shepard clutched her chest. "Guess we're not heroes anymore."

"Jeeze, Lis. Little harsh don't you think?" Kaidan asked.

"Reality is harsh," Alyssa said too dramatically. "Please tell me that at least one of the two grown adults in the car knows how to make _something_."

Both Shepard and Kaidan nodded and said simultaneously,

"Hot dogs." "Macaroni and cheese."

Alyssa gave a long suffering sigh and slammed her head into the backseat.

* * *

The grocery store was clean and brightly lit, so it was easy to see the mortification of young Alyssa Alenko as the two adults whom accompanied her pretended to storm the establishment. What had started as retelling of one of their many exploits, at the behest of the youngest Alenko, had steadily morphed into a re-enacting. Shepard and Kaidan ran up and down the aisles using displays as cover as they pretended to shoot each other with imaginary assault rifles and pistols. Kaidan chased Shepard as she turned a corner. Shepard doubled back and waited for her pursuer to follow.

"I will destroy you," Shepard mimicked the cry of a two bit mercenary as she leapt out at Kaidan. Kaidan, startled by Shepard's sudden appearance grabbed her shoulders in an attempt to stay is fall. Despite his efforts, he stumbled back into a shelf of bread and was promptly showered in hot dog and hamburger rolls.

"Ack! Enemies everywhere," He grinned.

Alyssa traipsed past the two distracted adults and picked up a package of hot dog rolls off the ground. "We're gonna need these."

"What's wrong with you grumpy gus? I thought you were excited to spend the day with THE Commander Shepard," Kaidan impersonated her tone from earlier.

"That's before I knew she was as weird as you are."

Kaidan and Shepard stared at each other and the burst out laughing. It was also at this moment Kaidan realized he was still holding her shoulders and quickly removed his hands.

"Seriously? Are you two twelve? It's okay to like each other," Alyssa called over her shoulder as she moved down the aisle.

The rest of the shopping expedition was decidedly quieter and more composed.

* * *

**So now that I've met all the given parameters of the challenge, I've decided it needs a Chapter 2. I mean, they have all the stuff, might as well have dinner. **

**And since my beta (jilly you rock)asked, and in case you are wondering: I purposely left Shepard a little vague. She's not necessarily the Kyler from my other stories, but you can think that if you like. I have no way of knowing.  
**


	2. Chapter 2

The sounds and smells of cooking filled the apartment. Boiling water spluttered and splashed as hot dogs fell haphazardly into the pot. The arrival of macaroni and cheese was heralded by the beep of a microwave. Alyssa scurried around the kitchen's dinning table placing glasses and utensils.

"You know, Alyssa. We don't really need the knives and spoons," Kaidan suggested.

"This is how mother taught me to set a proper table," Alyssa insisted.

"Okay. Alright," Kaidan surrendered. He liked to roll up the peanut butter pouch from his MREs like a tube of toothpaste and squirt the whole thing into his mouth. Who was he to challenge his niece on proper dinning room etiquette?

Alyssa returned to her task, carefully setting each utensil in its proper place, adjusting each until it was just so. When she had finished, she paused for a moment, admiring her work. Once satisfied that her setup was adequate she turned to the kitchen. Curiosity and a brash spirit had finally gotten the better of her.

"Commander Shepard?" The girl ventured.

"Hmm...?"

"What's it like to be dead?"

Shepard started as if the girl had pulled a weapon on her. With her brain frozen from shock and unable to form a cogent response, her hand apparently decided it needed to create an adequate diversion to spare Shepard from answering a difficult question. It did so by slamming into the handle of the pot of boiling dogs and scalding itself. Noble and faithful hand, it meant well. She grimaced at the pain but said nothing.

_Per chance I should stay out on the battlefield, where it's safe._

So caught up in trying to come up with a response, or avoiding one through self-inflicted bodily harm, she hadn't noticed Alyssa as she quickly began reciting exactly how Kaidan should be treating a superficial burn, probably something she learned at school or in an extra-curricular. Not wanting to discourage the girl, but needing her out of the way so he could look at Shepard's hand, Kaidan gave her something helpful to preoccupy herself with.

"Very good, Alyssa. Go grab my medkit. It's in my seabag in the guest room."

"Okay, Uncle Kaidan."

Shepard laughed.

"Is there something funny about the fact that we can't seem to make a simple dinner without casualties" Kaidan said with an arched eyebrow as he gently took her arm between his hands, careful not to disturb the injury.

"I was just amused that you brought your medkit with you."

"I always have it, Shepard. You know, sometimes people get hurt and it has nothing to do with combat."

"And you want to be able to help them." Shepard smiled. "You're a good man, you know that?" Shepard turned away but Kaidan didn't relinquish her arm.

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It is a bad thing for me, Kaidan, " She clumsily tripped over the words. "I...I lost you."

"Shepard..."

"I've got your med bag, Uncle Kaidan!"

"Thanks, Alyssa. Would you mind mopping up in here while I treat the commander's injuries?"

"No, Uncle Kaidan."

Shepard watched as the girl bounded off to complete her uncle's task. "Wow. She get's very formal under pressure."

"I could think of worse coping mechanisms," Kaidan said as he lead her to the living room. Skilled hands immediately found the medi-gel they were looking for and deftly attended to Shepard's wounds. "It's been awhile since I've had to do this," he said looking up at her with a half smile.

Shepard didn't say anything. Between them, her hand was healing abnormally fast, so fast that it stole Kaidan's attention from his attempt to cheer his former CO. The process moved so quickly it resembled the stop motion photography from science vids Kaidan was forced to endure throughout his medical training. Shepard continued to stare at the limb as if it were something foreign, alien, disconnected. "These days I'm far less reliant on medics."

Kaidan stared at the nearly healed hand. "I can see that."

"I wasn't prepared for the question," Shepard said, eyes till intent on her hand.

"I'm sorry, Shepard. She didn't mean any harm..."

Shepard finally dropped the limb and looked Kaidan in the eye. "Tali asked me the same thing."

"Hmmm?"

"When we found her father's body, she found me in the mess that night. I knew what she was going to ask. I knew the comfort she was looking for."

"What did you tell her?"

"What could I tell her Kaidan? That even though I should be the one person able to tell her what had become of her father, that I didn't? That I couldn't tell if my memories were from just before I died? After? When I was in a coma on a Cerberus space station? I... I just walked away."

"She probably understood, Shepard."

"She was looking for help and I just walked away. I never walk away. I don't even walk away when I should. I don't even walk away from people who don't deserve my help."

"After all the Alliance and the Council has put you through, I guess we really don't," Kaidan responded looking shamefully down and away from Shepard.

"That's not what I meant, Kaidan."

"No," he looked back to her with remorseful brown eyes, "but I needed to apolagize at some point, if I was ever going to have another chance... If I was ever going to fix..." his hands gestured vaguely between himself and Shepard.

Shepard gave him a small smile, though despite how badly she had wanted to hear he was still interested in her, it was without mirth. She placed a hand on his shoulder, implicitly communicating to him that she understood so that he didn't have to continue the pittifully painfull and awkward sentence.

"Honestly, as much as Horizon hurt me, that's been the least troubling thing on my mind." She turned away from him. "This whole...resurection. I don't know what I am, who I am, how much of me is technology, or if I'm still the same person. Did I have a soul? Is it gone? Moved on to some other realm? Am I a completely different being? Should the I even be here? Kaidan, I don't think I'm supposed to be here," she said turning to face him, her eyes gleaming with the tears she fiercely struggled to keep from falling.

Kaidan contemplated what she said for a quiet moment. "No. You don't." With that he gathered her into his arms and held her tight. "You belong here."

It was last drop of rain the dam could hold. Shepard collapsed into his solid frame and wept. There were no words, no easy explanations, no halcyon that could make things right. Internally he raged at his impotence. But for Shepard's sake he simply held her fast, hand wound tightly in her hair, as if he were afraid that if he loosened his hold she would vanish. It would not have been the first time he awoke clutching a pillow in the shape of a ghost.

At last words came to him. He exhaled them softly, without even realizing he was saying them. "Shhhh...you're supposed to be here. You're supposed to be right here."

"How can you know that?" she cried into his chest.

"Some things you just know, Shepard," he said after kissing her forehead.

Having finally cried herself out, she pulled away to look him in the eye and sniffed.

"Even if I'm a cyborg zombie?"

Kaidan chuckled. "Especially, if you're a cyborg zombie," he said brushing an errant strand of hair from her face. "Now, I can hack into that dark brooding head of yours and see what you're thinking all the time."

Shepard punched him in the shoulder.

"Ouch, watch it," He feigned pain, rubbing the offended apendage. "We're not all cyborgs."

Shepared glared at them, but her eyes could contain no real malice.

"What? You're a very cute cyborg zombie. We could get you all kinds of useful attachments for around the ship. Flash lights and hex tools..."

"Oh," Shepard's eyes widened as if she'd had some great epiphany, "and a magnet for when we lose tools behind consoles and furniture."

They continued a playful banter until her tears were dried and everyone's mood was elevated. Jokes didn't make anything go away. They still had problems, very big and complicated problems which humor did little to mitigate. But maybe, just maybe, if enough laughter filled the room it would crowd out the white elephants for a time, and the obnoxious pachyderms would leave them be for a little while. And they could both just... be.

From the kitchen, Alyssa watched in disgust as two adults in the room seemed perfectly content to let her starve tonght.

"Ehem," she made her presence known. "I would like to eat before my bed time."

Both Shepard and Kaidan affected perfect impersonations of deer startled in headlights.

"We could at least have the macaroni," Alyssa said, sounding exasperated.

Kaidan smiled. "Yes, yes we could. How about we forgo the table tonight, Alyssa, eat dinner on the couch in front of some comedy vids? I'll let you stay up past your bedtime to finish the program."

Alyssa considered his offer wearily. Junk food, hooky, and breaking her curfew all in one day seemed a little too good to be true, but it was also an offer too good to pass up.

"Really?" She asked incredulously.

"Really. Just don't tell your parents, all right?"

"Deal."

And with that the trio settled on the couch with bowls of comfort food in front of inane yet entertaining vids. Kaidan smiled as he realized halfway through the vid that both the women of the room had fallen asleep. Alyssa had curled up in a ball on the arm rest exhausted from the day's events, and Shepard, finally succumbing to jet lag, had nestled in the crook of his arm.

This, was a diorama of the life he'd dreamed of. This was a simple life, a good life.

This, was worth fighting for.


End file.
